The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
