are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
