that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
