life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
