rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
