There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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