Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
