I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
