Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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