I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
