Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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