There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
