Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
