No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
