Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
