this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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