I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
