She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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