And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
