I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Randomize
