Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
