If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
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