Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
