Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
