wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
