So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
