it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
