you're like a bully in the Christmas story
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
