Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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