it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
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