You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
