dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
