i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
it was like eating out sand paper
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
