So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
