Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Randomize
