i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
