after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
