There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
