I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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