Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
