With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
