brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
