The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
