fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
It's official drugs can't kill me
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
