In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
even my farts smell like vagina
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
