if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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