i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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