that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
