I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
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