Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
