I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
