Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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