He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
