a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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