I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
