I hate your face
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
