summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
