I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
