I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Randomize
