I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Randomize
