No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
