she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
