i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
