I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
