Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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