i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Randomize
