we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
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