I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
