oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
