how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
