he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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