What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
