My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
