Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
